I’ve been stuck in a rut recently. A world of mismatched thoughts, utter confusion as to what / where / who I want from life.
I’ve kinda lost myself again. I’ve been beating myself and up and questioning myself over the fact that I’m bored of the lifestyle I was living (nights I don’t remember with people I also don’t remember have lost their appeal as of late.) I’ve been enjoying the quiet life, sitting around my room, hanging out with my housemates, napping on every available occasion.
Of course, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with this.
But, it makes me feel ‘boring.’ Like, I’m in New Zealand, I should be grabbing every opportunity to live life and go wild. But I just cannot be bothered right now.
…I only seem to have two modes; off the rails, or off the radar. There’s no such thing as middle ground.
Yesterday, things started to fall into place again. Last year, I had a goal. This goal was to have one piece of writing accepted and published by Thought Catalog. My most favourite website that has rescued my soul on more than one occasion. However, 2016 was definitely a year of my little self being ‘off the rails’ (in some of the best and worst ways) and naturally, this goal was bypassed and carried on into 2017.
Guess who has finally achieved that goal, huh?
One of my most personal pieces of writing, thrown together in 2015 when I was at one of my lowest points, was deemed good enough to be shown to the world on Thought Catalog. To be on a website alongside some of the most inspirational writers out there.
I almost had a cry and couldn’t quite believe it when I received the email stating ‘Your Submission Is Now Live.’ I half heartedly submitted it one day a couple of weeks ago, and hadn’t even thought about it since.
Everything makes sense now. This quiet moment in life I’m experiencing? This retreat into my shell? It’s a reminder that I’m more than living life in the fast lane. I’ve got dreams and goals and a side to me that not everyone see’s.
… Goal number 2…