I hate goodbyes.
I know it’s an obvious thing to say, and that the majority of people can relate. But I really do. Unless I’m saying goodbye to a hangover, or to a spider lurking in the room, goodbyes just aren’t my thing.
You’d of thought that with all of my travel experience, that saying the old goodbye, Adios, cya later alligator would be a natural, easy thing for me now. That I’d of gotten used to such life, and learnt how to deal with the sadness a departure brings.
But, in true me style, I’m quite the opposite. I’ve found them to become harder over time.
I’m currently at a Silent Meditation Retreat in Bali (more about that another time) and tomorrow is the last full day, before going on my merry solo way. Again, I won’t go into the whole retreat now because that really is for another time, but honestly? I’ve been counting down the days until we leave. However, realising that tomorrow is the last day, I feel sad. Sad because I will be leaving the group of 25 or so people I’ve been spending my time here with. People whereby the majority I haven’t spoken one single word to. Those who I have spoken to, there was only a handful of small talk exchanged on arrival at dinner, before we settled for the night. (I arrived late, my driver took me on quite the tour of Ubud.) But still. The smiles, glances, those couple of written notes passed between. They’ve brought a connection. But, the biggest connection of all, has been right there in the Shala. All of us sitting together, for near enough 7 hours a day, trying to achieve the same goal. Our spirits and energy dancing around the room. Now that, that is a connection. One that only a small percentage of the population in the world actually experience.
So I feel sad. Sad to be saying goodbye. I feel like my whole life is full of goodbyes, but I chose this. I chose to travel and leave everyone behind, to find my way in solitude. So no, I wouldn’t change a thing. What a shocking thought to actually settle somewhere. But the point I guess I’m trying to (finally) get to, is that I find goodbyes harder for this reason; I don’t hate the world so much anymore. I don’t dislike the majority of people anymore. I’ve come to learn what a beautiful place this world really is, and how it’s full of amazing people, people who I’m so blessed and incredibly lucky to have within my life. Whether it be for a lifetime, or for an hour. I honestly know, or have had the pleasure to meet, some of the most wonderful souls out there. And I really wish I could bundle you all up and take you with me everywhere.